Running to Stand Still

Hard to believe it has been almost 3 years since my first entry on here...why? Well...life! Depression, lost love, illness, despair, I could go on with this list of human struggle and suffering. One thing is for sure, I hate medication, I hate looking at it, taking it, fucking hate it. But I know that my mind will not be able to conquer its own demon side without this annoying routine. I do a lot of suffering alone. I choose this. This is not to say I do not have people around me that help me to walk this tightrope I live on its just I prefer being at company with my own self a lot of the time, also, it is impossible to talk or show any distinct signs of life in the midst of a deep depression. Much like the thickest fog. You can almost taste how dense it is. So I know, sadly, that I have this fight on my hands permanently. It's been a good day today, thanks mainly to running, its about the only complementary thing I can do that can literally obliterate sometimes the start of a mind fog. Not always, but a lot of the time it is effective. I truly do not need much in my life by way of material. As I travel life's path I am distinctly aware of the irritability of the things I once found important, now I see it as a gross indulgence of which serves no real purpose. If I run, I am literally transported...enabling the process of standing, observing and "being" much more tolerant within my psyche.
That's all for now. Mind how you go. Cher xxx

Strange Calm

It isn't often that my head settles like this. I am used to it's having fun with my thought processes. I don't know why I use the word fun because it isn't. At first I thought it was fun, but most recently I have found out that it's actually Bipolar disorder. So my craziness has a name.

I decided to start this blog to gain insight and after inspiration from another passionate blogger. I have to have output, even if it falls on deaf ears.

It's a small contribution of where my mind is at for this entry today but it's a start. This blog isn't just about being Bipolar, it's about how my life manifests itself from all other shit that imposes itself upon me. And one thing you can be guaranteed in this life is that shit happens.

Love

Cher